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@@ -38,5 +38,18 @@ Now, I'm questioning my path into medicine. Over the time I've been learning mor
 
 Also, the place where I want to be, consultant, is a long way off. I'm 44 now, i've got 20-30 years of career ahead of me, is it wise to spend 15 years of that studying? even once I'm a resident doctor, would the work be complex enough, research seems to suggest it'll be mostly medical themed admin. 
 
-If you'd ever asked me if I had any life regrets, my answer would've always been no. Don't know why that is, but I guess that means I've been lucky. However, I do now regret not figuring this ADHD thing out in my mid 30s. Had this process happened 10 years ago, my situation would've been perfect back then. It was in my mid 30s that I finally felt like life actually started to click for me. Like I got better, more confident, there was a change I felt, it was just easier being me in the world, I was less anxious. Little things like small talk became easier, I just felt like I'd figured 'people' out. The human brain reaches full development around the age of 25, but I since learnt that this is delayed by around 10 years for those with ADHD, I think this may shed light on my experience. Either way, my mid 30s, I was ready for this, the engineering business was up and running, I had the time and money. That time would've been perfect. It was listening to a guest on the Jeremy Vine show talking about ADHD and the inattentive side of it and how it goes undiagnosed, that peaked my interest and got me on this path of self discovery. I just needed that spark, that tread to pull on, 10 years ago. That's all it would've taken and I'm sure I would've reached the same conclusion when finally answered the same unanswered question I been asking myself since school--what do I want to do for a job, I should be doctor!
+If you'd ever asked me if I had any life regrets, my answer would've always been no. Don't know why that is, but I guess that means I've been lucky. However, I do now regret not figuring this ADHD thing out in my mid 30s. Had this process happened 10 years ago, my situation would've been perfect back then. It was in my mid 30s that I finally felt like life actually started to click for me. Like I got better, more confident, there was a change I felt, it was just easier being me in the world, I was less anxious. Little things like small talk became easier, I just felt like I'd figured 'people' out. The human brain reaches full development around the age of 25, but I since learnt that this is delayed by around 10 years for those with ADHD, I think this may shed light on my experience. Either way, my mid 30s, I was ready for this, the engineering business was up and running, I had the time and money. That time would've been perfect. It was listening to a guest on the Jeremy Vine show talking about ADHD and the inattentive side of it and how it goes undiagnosed, that peaked my interest and got me on this path of self discovery. I just needed that spark, that tread to pull on, 10 years ago. That's all it would've taken and I'm sure I would've reached the same conclusion when finally answered the same unanswered question I been asking myself since school--what do I want to do for a job, I should be doctor! But seen as medicine is off the table, I'm now back to asking myself that question.
 
+Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand. I was talking to my wife about a potential move to Hornsea and I was saying how the York Hull university up there does not accept diploma's gained via distance learning (which mine is), but it looking unlikely that medicine would be viable anyway. And I distinctively remember the last part of her reply "and I thought what about I want, I should do what I want", I heard the sub text loud and clear 'I'm going to do what I want' and that seems to be how's she's proceeded after since. Like I say, I don't think she actually asked me once (up until a 2 weeks ago) if this is what I wanted, and that was only because I think she sensed something was a little off with me.
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+Moreover, I used to have extended family living close by, but my brothers moved to the other side of the city now, we recently lost my Grandad, and my wife has said that she thinks my aunty will move away soon and my mum dad should but a holiday home in Hornsea. And that seems to be it all tied up nicely for her.
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+She's accepted the job offer and is now making arrangements to view schools in Hornsea. My youngest does not want to go, she was in tears saying she loves Werrington. This is a problem for me, I based part of my consideration on the eldest wanting to go, but the youngest doesn't, so they kind of cancel each other out.
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+And I think for my wife, that's all she's considered, job, school, done. I have no idea how this works financially. I've taken a break in work to do an extension/renovation on our house, it's not finished and it doesn't have building control sign off. We could sell as is, but we'd be well below market value and we'd lose a lot of money. Also, because I haven't been earning income, a mortgage on a house in Hornsea would be difficult on Erin's wages alone. Then there's job opportunities in Hornsea for myself, there generally isn't any in Hornsea, I would have to travel or find remote working--I have no references as I haven't worked for anyone in 20 years. This isn't insurmountable, but my options are limited by the isolation of Hornsea.
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+Guess I'm just annoyed that my wife has just gone off on her own. She freely admits that she does this at work, just does things before people can complain, and I get that it gets things done, but it's not the way with this, or me. I can feel my inner stubborn fucker coming out, which isn't an answer. Added into this that I feel like there's no intimacy between us, and I'm feeling like I'm pulling out. This would mean that Erin would go to Hornsea and take the girls, and that's not a option for me either.
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+I ask myself, what is it that I don't like about the situation. Hornsea isn't a place that I would choose to live in, but it's not just about me, who knows that could turn out well. I can't see the girls staying there after school, no jobs, they'd move off to uni, and we'd be moving again. To be fair I'd like a move, I like the variety, but the retirement seaside town of Hornsea isn't the move I would envision.
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+I think it's the way Erin's gone about it, it points to a deeper frustration I have in the way I feel she generally treats me. Is she with me because she wants to be with me, or is it a security thing. I think she's generally an avoidant attachment type, and I think I am too, maybe it those two combined. Either way, I think we're at a cross roads because I don't want to continue this.