today's activity

!Daily note today.base

todays to-dos

fish tank water change
timer on Christmas lights
incorporate this into my daily note template: Give me 12 minutes of your life and I'll give you 30 years of productivity advice
credit card balance near limit
elf photos
ring mum, plan for funeral, time to arrive?, etc.

to-don't dos

spend too much time on obsidian

scratchpad

future to-dos

ecoflow alternator charger on eBay

daily-reflection

three ways I made progress today

Finally cleaned the fish tank, although one of the fish has somehow disappeared
Gave a reading in front of everyone at my David Robert Beswick funeral service.
Met someone new, Steve Janet's brother in-law, at the wake, and had a good conversation.

what happened today?

Didn't do actual work today, messed around with obsidian, got ready, met family at the funeral directors. Everyone was kind of quiet, I connected how I find all sorts of random things in my coat pockets with having kids, and preceded to pull out a conker. Some time later we're at the Bradwell Crematorium. The celebrant was good, i give a reading, said goodbye the grandad. Wake was held at the Red Bull, nice place. Afterwards, picked girls up from after school club, and settled in for the evening. Jess is trying to catch the elves on camera.

I didn't speak to Derek Beswick today, he doesn't seem all that inviting. I wanted to, but didn't know what to say. He doesn't acknowledge you're there, but I don't know if that's a anxiety thing, like i do. I've probably done it to him and he's thinking the same of me. Or i think because he looks like grandad i expect him to be like him, or he won't be and that's an issue... Or maybe, he's familiar to me, but I'm not too him. i expect him to acknowledge me because that's what grandad would do, but I'm not familiar to him. I expect too much and blame myself when that expectation isn't met.

But then he kind of pushed in as we were walking into the crematorium from the cars, well not sure if you'd call it that. but I'd already thought it was strange that he wasn't in the cars with us, so I immediately gestured for him to go in front of me and Erin (we were the last going in from the cars) I wanted him to be/feel included. He didn't acknowledge me, or say anything. Maybe he was annoyed he wasn't with us, in the cars? That could make sense.

When I was chatting to Steve Janet's brother in-law yesterday at the wake, there were two women with him who I noticed were looking at me/us while we were talking, I presumed one had to be his partner Janet Beswick sister so nothing unusual there. Later, when I said to goodbye to them as they were leaving, there was something familiar about one, it was a shyness in her eye that first caught my attention, then it later dawned on my me that it had to be Craig's cousin. I can't think of her name right now, but she was in my year at Moorside High School, and she was with Adam Eastlake for a while. Can't believe I missed that!

Also, Craig Beswick wasn't at the funeral or wake. He'd fallen out with Nigel Robert Beswick and Janet Beswick, in an explosive fashion, when they said that Harvey Beswick, his son, wanted to go the funeral. Janet says Craig's bitter that he's paying (£500) child support each month to Harvey, and he won't see him. He also won't let Harvey and Olivia-Mae Beswick meet. He can't see that it's not Harvey's doing. Janet got quite upset telling us all this before a 2026-01-08 1424 Meeting with Celebrant with the Nigel Bould, last week at my mum and dad's 9 Shugborough Close.

At one point during their fall out, Craig sent Janet a message at 0130 am, calling her a "gobshite cunt". Now, Janet is a bit of a gobshite, so I nearly laughed when she told me this, don't know how I stopped myself. I do feel guilty for this.

I think Harvey's 15 now, a child still. I can understand why Craig may feel aggrieved at the money situation. He's supporting 6 children, of them are 4 boys from Louise Beswick previous relationships whose fathers don't contribute in a meaningful way. Financially, the situation is a lot of pressure, even without the additional pressure of a household of 5 children to look after. It's obviously made him very angry. But, the bit I can't get my head around, why is this anger directed at Harvey? That's not fair. He didn't choose this.

Harvey's a child still, who needs support. Financially, but most importantly, the emotional support of his parents, his father. And Craig has seemingly completely withdrawn from this requirement. On the one hand, he's angry with the boys father's for not contributing, and on the other he's does the same to Harvey. Doesn't he see this?

4.9 KiB Raw Blame History